Yes, the title is a bit provocative, but we hope that’s the only hard thing you’re reading here. In our culture, women are constantly faced with having to be more beautiful, more feminine, better, sexier and more attractive in order to increase their value. This post here, it is not supposed to be one of these posts and should not exert any pressure. We have spent months collecting helpful tips and views so that you can find a good man to marry. That is our goal – to help, not to judge!
We have spent endless hours scrolling through blogs, social media posts, comments, questions and messages from women sharing their pain, injuries and frustrations. Her frustrations that there are too few men with real husband qualities. We have spent years listening to women, comforting them, and praying with them. Yes, even the offer to beat up some men who still act like boys came up on the table several times. This post was born out of a deep desire to help and empower women to get rid of old relationships so that their future relationship life can blossom.
Lies have been instilled in all of us. Women – you were taught that you are not beautiful enough and that nobody really wants you. You are not desirable … unless you wear enough make-up, dress more tightly, give your body and have the perfect figure … actually you just have to become someone else to be enough. Lying! Men – in the same sense, you were taught that you are not enough, not enough to prove that you are not male, not strong, not charismatic, open, or responsible enough. The list of lies could go on forever – on both sides. Passive behavior in men and a need for control in women are triggered by the fact that both sides, women and men, have often been injured and do not consider themselves to be enough. And that leads to more injuries to each other and drives women and men further apart.
As a man – allow me to apologize on behalf of all men. We have not always behaved well and correctly. We are not always the men we wish we were, the men you women deserve. Yes, we sometimes run away, hide out of fear, often exactly when you need us most – when we should have stood up for you. We often use ambiguity in our relationships instead of being brave enough to understand and communicate our own emotions. We sexualized you and confirmed the lie that your value depends on your sex appeal. We didn’t act like men – we behaved like boys who are fearful, lazy and uncontrolled. Really, I’m so sorry and I ask your forgiveness. Forgiveness for where men hurt you. Forgiveness for every time your girlfriends, sisters and mothers have been mistreated by men. Forgiveness for every single time when men were not the men they were supposed to be – so the seed of lies has been sown in your life that men have to be the same.
If past injuries are not healed, they often result in us building walls to protect ourselves and ultimately in developing bitterness. Our conclusions and judgments often move us to keep the opposite sex, be it consciously or subconsciously, at a distance. So how does this pain stop us from getting to know someone? What are we doing about it and how can we take steps?
FIGHT YOUR HEARTACHE – BUT DON’T PUSH IT.
Your heart – it is worth being healed and whole. If we do not deal with the injuries and never fully process them, we develop bitterness and project it onto all men. When four or five men have mistreated and hurt us, we think we can no longer trust a man. If we don’t work through the pain, don’t let it heal, we build distance. Distance from our husband (or future husband), and even from our own sons. It is so important to forgive men. Dare to deal with the pain, tackle your injuries and let your heart soften again. Do not make a moment of injury a whole phase of life and a phase of life not your identity. Yes, you may have been mistreated, but you are worth so much more than having to stay in your pain and victim role.
FIND GOOD MEN IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT AND REDEFINE YOUR MEN’S IMAGE.
Subconsciously, your image of men can get stuck between the idiot who hurt you and the dream man from the romantic comedy. But don’t forget: the men in these comedies are fictional characters that were created to meet the desires of the female psyche as closely as possible. Men are not always like that in real life.
Find good single men you are not interested in and discover how they tick, what interests them and what doesn’t, how they see things and what they dream of. Talk to the husband of one of your friends and ask him how he is, how he treats his wife, how he conquered her. Ask a happily married girlfriend / wife how she was courted and won over by her husband. Watch a grandpa handle his family. Watch a little boy play to stop to help a little girl. Have your image of masculinity reshaped and let your heart soften again towards men.
BE A CHEERFUL FOR MEN (ALSO FOR THOSE YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN).
A woman’s deepest question is “whether she is desirable”. The deepest question of a man is “whether he has what it takes – especially to satisfy a woman”: (It is not about getting the woman, but to satisfy her) He not only tries to win her, he wants her cultivate, release them, see them grow and bloom and he wants to meet their needs and satisfy them. But we men also don’t always know and are sometimes simply overwhelmed by all of this. It’s like we’re blindly trying to break a combination lock. When a woman confirms us verbally and encourages us as men, she sends appreciative and appreciative signals. These signals invite us to discover – to dare something. If we try to conquer her, we won’t be shot immediately if we screw something up – because she believes in us as men and that we do our best. When a woman is bitter and critical of men, it sends signals that she is difficult to please and that you should do everything right or do not even try.
Social media as well as blogs and groups on the subject of single life form an ever-expanding platform for dating philosophies and discussions. Unfortunately, however, we are observing a growing trend that is not really helpful and continues to drive the genders apart. Women are empowered in their struggle with dating in their pain with statements such as, “You are worth so much more” “Forget him, he is not worth it”. These are comments that you often hear, often at the expense of men. Men, on the other hand, often receive advice on which to-do lists are equivalent. In his struggle, he often experiences frustration that causes men to take a step back and become quiet in group discussions.
Can I be really honest for a moment? It hurts to say that, but keep in mind that I want to support you. When a man hears or reads these critical and negative comments towards men from you, he feels attacked, not respected and assumes that you are complicated. He is beginning to isolate himself mentally from you because you seem complicated, angry and unsatisfied. So if you share your pain on social media or in large groups and you are still single, the reason for your single life could be, among other things, that men perceive you as angry, bitter and unsatisfactory. Ouch. That is probably not your goal.
I don’t want to silence you. Men behave incorrectly and the problem is still the same. But formulate your criticism in such a way that it encourages men to work on themselves and get better. Here are a few examples: “I believe in you and I really believe that you mean well with women … So brave of you that you fought for this woman even when you got a basket … I (we women) appreciate that when a man fights for a woman and conquers her, even though it is a risk … A friend’s husband has conquered her so lovingly and respectfully by … I was on a date and though he was super nervous and insecure, he put so much effort into it that I felt comfortable and safe / he asked such good questions … etc. ”Through such encouraging words to men you recognize their efforts AND you can tell them show how they can grow and what women want. You let men know which is the best way to satisfy women, and you also express your openness to men.
Conclusion: relationships are complex. They bring together two such unique and different people who grow, develop and change. I want to emphasize that the reason for your single life is not always bitterness. There are so many other reasons why you are single or why you are single longer than expected. Sometimes you just haven’t got to know the right person, the timing is not right, or you are deliberately single for a time or for a certain reason you are “hidden” from the world of men. These are a few reasons why you may still be single now. Even if it is so at the moment, it does not mean that it will always be so!
We have a passion for seeing people blossom in healthy, healed and growing relationships. We want to advance you in your dating life until you find the special person you want to marry. We bless your hearts, your dating journey and your ability to find a man of God and we want to enrich them. And I promise you: there are still men of God!